Vegan in a house of non-vegans

by Ralf
(Gallatin, TN)

I am a vegan in a house full of omnivores and on a fixed income. Discussions on the subject of diet here at home, just as in the real world, can get heated. As a result, this home rarely gets enough food in it for me to eat a totally vegan for an entire month. Someone else besides me is in charge of the finances, so i get little say in how the grocery money is spent. I am an avid vegan, so it pains me to see meat in my kitchen. Do you have any advice...please?! Thanks, Diggy

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Vegan in a house of non-vegans

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Jan 04, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		I feel your pain :-)
by: Rachel Assuncao

I think being vegan in a house of non-vegans is probably pretty common. My husband is about as ominvore as they come. My daughter, at age 3, is starting to ask to eat some meat - just like her daddy.

We had to settle on some compromises to make things work. First, we had to agree on what our expectations and boundaries were. So, my expectation is that we all eat as close to the same thing as possible and that we eat at the table together. My husband's expectation is that whatever we eat is tasty. My boundary is that if meat comes into our home, that it is as local, sustainable and organic as possible. My husband's boundary is that he 'needs' meat at least 4-5 times a week.

From there, we built a plan that worked for both of us. We check in with each other monthly to make sure the plan is working and that our expectations are being met and our boundaries are being respected. Generally, this means a healthy and economical meal that is vegan with some sort of meat on the side.

Hope that helps!

Rachel
Jan 04, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		vegan
by: cindy

I am a vegetarian whereas my husband is not. Normally I will add barley with brown rice and cook as porridge, throw in some mushrooms and beans. Otherwise I would just stir fry some vegetables or some mixed mushrooms.
Jan 04, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Suggestions
by: Tiffany

If you haven't already, try to involve yourself in the process of purchasing the food and planning the meals as much as possible. There is a cookbook called Vegan on the Cheap that breaks down how much meals cost per serving (can get at Amazon for about $10) that might help pursuade the grocery purchases. If it is good, they will eat it. Being vegan can be inexpensive by sticking to whole foods (staying away from the expensive fake meat and dairy). Amazing meals can be made which are more healthful and inexpensive that include dried beans, legumes, grains, nuts, and seeds, which can all be purchased in bulk. Above all, try to avoid arguments. We don't want to be angry and resentful vegans, we want to be joyful for the compassionate and healthful choices we are making for ourselves, and be that light to others. I hope this helps!
Jan 05, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		I feel your pain
by: Sheila

I can imagine it must be difficult being the only vegan in a house of omni's. Fortunately I live alone so I control what I can eat. My eldest son and his wife and daughter are vegans so it is easy when they visit. My other sons are omnis and when I visit them I usually take my own food. You mention being on a fixed income and that you do not control the household finances. I am not sure of you exact situation, or your relation to the other members of the household. I also understand that most non-vegans do not sympathize with us. Is this your family? Could you talk to them and try to get them to understand your position so that they can help to provide you with food that you can eat? If you are in a house where you pay a portion of the room and board then you should have some say so as to what kind of food is brought into the house for you. Even if you could afford to eat out, there isn't a lot of vegan variety in your area. I know, I live just down the road from you in Mt. Juliet.
I honestly don't know if I could share a house with non vegans now. I certainly feel your pain. I hope it all works out for you.
Jan 05, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		I too feel your pain!
by: Anonymous

I am the lone Vegan in a family of four. It has been a source of conflict on more than one occasion in our house as well.

I find that we get along best when we try to have the same basic meal, but just with different "meats." For example, Taco salad--we all eat the same chips, beans, rice, lettuce, tomato, onion, salsa, etc. I have Tofu, tempeh, or just beans on mine, while the rest of my family uses taco meat.

It drives my wife crazy when we have two completely separate meals going--she sees it as a huge waste of time and money.

Another thing that helped my cause was when I demonstrated just how cheap vegan whole foods can be. Rice, dried beans, potatoes, and most veggies can really be bought on the cheap. Most omnivores are willing to eat all of those things, as long as they taste good (and they can still have their meat on the side). Bulk whole foods cost a lot less than meat, dairy, and junk food!
Jan 05, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Vegan can be economical
by: Meg

I have been gradually converting to veganism over the past 8 months or so. I am finding that even though I am still buying a little meat for my husband, my grocery bill is actually dropping by at least 25%. Let's face it, meat is the most expensive thing on the usual grocery list. Suggest to your family that they comparison shop with a vegan list versus what they would normally buy. They might be surprised. Good luck to you!
Feb 18, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Financial control?
by: Memory

The issue that sticks out most in your question seems to be your lack of personal money.
In every household, both heads of the house (the Mum and Dad) need to have some personal cash which they can choose to spend as they wish. The children need to learn finances with an allowance or they need to get a paper route or babysit.
No matter how tight finances are both partners need a little cash for themselves. If one spouse controls ALL of the finances and does not allow ANY cash to the other spouse, that is a form of control/abuse.
Even if you can only manage $25.00 per month, that at least can go some way towards cheap healthy choices such as kale, gluten flour for seitan and flax seed.
Honest conversation is also needed with the person who is controlling the finances. If they love you, they should be willing to accomodate some of your choices.
If not, perhaps you need to look at finding your own personal source of income.
Any everyone else on here who said that vegan is cheaper is right...as long as you avoid premade psudo-meats.
Good Luck.
Memy

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